Parenting simply summed up…alphabetically?

Quick A – Z  of everything to do with parenting. In essence reading this, will prepare you mentally and physically for parenting.

A.) Advice Be prepared to get it form everyone and everywhere.

Don’t do that,

I tried this, WWAAHHH!

Piss off and look after your PERFECT CHILD!

B.) Birth – A 9 month inconvenience for women and ultimately a horrific, beautiful experience.

C.) Calpol – This stuff is amazing! Literally a miracle cure to most child ailments (I’m not a Doctor so please don’t quote me on it!) 

D.) Daddy Pig –  (Off of Peppa Pig) – Reminds me of me and what you may become. 

E.) Entertainment – Kids are brilliant (when they choose to be!) Funny, silly and full of beans.

F.) Friday Night’s – Will not be the same anymore. Exchange beer for tea. Exchange staying up till 3.00am to going to sleep at 10.00pm

G.) Grapes – Healthy, choking hazard. For safety, cut in half.

H.) Hot water bottle – Can be used as a bargaining tool when putting kids to bed.

I.) Ice cream – On a sunny day, nothing better but this turns to horror once melting kicks in. It gets everywhere, just like sand.

J.) Jelly – Compliments the last item very well. 

K.) Kelloggs  – Other branded cereals are available. What happened to the little toys that we used to get? I remember being the first to get up so I could open the box up and dig the crappy toy out.

L.) Lego blocks – Even if you don’t own any, somehow you WILL stand on one, bare footed while carefully tip toeing about trying not to wake the kids.

M.) Milk – Gallons of the stuff will be used every bloomin day!

N.) Nappies – Crappy, wet, and your responsibility. Explosions may occur here.

O.) Out door Toys – Great fun! Water balloons, bikes, trikes, & play houses, all things you may want to invest in 

P.) Playgrounds – Swings, slides and climbing frames. Warning can result in grazed knees and temper tantrums when leaving.

Q.) Quotes “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one!”

R.) Responsibility – Suddenly you have lots of it. Looking after yourself is easy, looking after little humans is not!

S.) Sleepless nights – Many of these. Unless you are extremely lucky!

T.) Tears – Of joy from the happiness they bring to you. Seriously……why are you laughing?

U.) Uniform – Of the school variety. Asda normally sells cheap shirts. You will need to spends loads on School uniform. Just saying.

V.) Vagina – Never the same again after birth. Enjoy it while you still can!

W.) WipesAmazeballs! Don’t flush them though. If you watched that sewer programme you’ll know what I’m talking about!

X.) X Ray – Hopefully you won’t need this. (WHAT?!? You try and think of something beginning with a bloomin X!”)

Y.) Yuck – You will see and smell lots of yucky things. Like trying to catch puke in your hands so it doesn’t go all over the car.

Z.) Zoo’s – Are always a great day out! You will see many. Look at our map for your closest one!

I would LOVE to hear your A – Z ideas. If different please comment below. 

P.S It’s great being a parent. You pretty much get to re-live your childhood alongside your little human.


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