Parenting simply summed up…alphabetically?
Quick A – Z of everything to do with parenting. In essence reading this, will prepare you mentally and physically for parenting.
A.) Advice – Be prepared to get it form everyone and everywhere.
Don’t do that,
I tried this, WWAAHHH!
Piss off and look after your PERFECT CHILD!
B.) Birth – A 9 month inconvenience for women and ultimately a horrific, beautiful experience.
C.) Calpol – This stuff is amazing! Literally a miracle cure to most child ailments (I’m not a Doctor so please don’t quote me on it!)
D.) Daddy Pig – (Off of Peppa Pig) – Reminds me of me and what you may become.
E.) Entertainment – Kids are brilliant (when they choose to be!) Funny, silly and full of beans.
F.) Friday Night’s – Will not be the same anymore. Exchange beer for tea. Exchange staying up till 3.00am to going to sleep at 10.00pm
G.) Grapes – Healthy, choking hazard. For safety, cut in half.
H.) Hot water bottle – Can be used as a bargaining tool when putting kids to bed.
I.) Ice cream – On a sunny day, nothing better but this turns to horror once melting kicks in. It gets everywhere, just like sand.
J.) Jelly – Compliments the last item very well.
K.) Kelloggs – Other branded cereals are available. What happened to the little toys that we used to get? I remember being the first to get up so I could open the box up and dig the crappy toy out.
L.) Lego blocks – Even if you don’t own any, somehow you WILL stand on one, bare footed while carefully tip toeing about trying not to wake the kids.
M.) Milk – Gallons of the stuff will be used every bloomin day!
N.) Nappies – Crappy, wet, and your responsibility. Explosions may occur here.
O.) Out door Toys – Great fun! Water balloons, bikes, trikes, & play houses, all things you may want to invest in
P.) Playgrounds – Swings, slides and climbing frames. Warning can result in grazed knees and temper tantrums when leaving.
Q.) Quotes – “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one!”
R.) Responsibility – Suddenly you have lots of it. Looking after yourself is easy, looking after little humans is not!
S.) Sleepless nights – Many of these. Unless you are extremely lucky!
T.) Tears – Of joy from the happiness they bring to you. Seriously……why are you laughing?
U.) Uniform – Of the school variety. Asda normally sells cheap shirts. You will need to spends loads on School uniform. Just saying.
V.) Vagina – Never the same again after birth. Enjoy it while you still can!
W.) Wipes – Amazeballs! Don’t flush them though. If you watched that sewer programme you’ll know what I’m talking about!
X.) X Ray – Hopefully you won’t need this. (WHAT?!? You try and think of something beginning with a bloomin X!”)
Y.) Yuck – You will see and smell lots of yucky things. Like trying to catch puke in your hands so it doesn’t go all over the car.
Z.) Zoo’s – Are always a great day out! You will see many. Look at our map for your closest one!